Stepmoms Share the Best Advice They’ve Been Given

Stepmom asking question

I recently asked stepmoms to share the best stepmom advice they’ve received. I am so impressed by their comments that I just have to share them with you.

  1. No matter how hard it gets, never, never, never, give up!
  2. God placed you in their lives for a reason.
  3. Be the best role model you can be.
  4. Know a really good family lawyer and therapist.
  5. Focus on your marriage. It outlasts childhood if nurtured and prioritized.
  6. Accept the things you cannot change and remain positive through the negative.
  7. Disengagement can be a lifesaver. The kids and the ex are not problems you can fix.
  8. Take time for yourself to fill your tank. Then you will have the energy to deal with the s*#t.
  9. Incorporate healthy boundaries with the bio-mom. Everyone should know their place.
  10. There’s a reason you’re in the child’s life. They will remember all you did for them.
  11. Your marriage should be your priority.
  12. Advocate for yourself. Don’t go with the flow if it’s a quality of life issue for you.
  13. Don’t sweat the small stuff but also remember your feelings are valid and you have a right and duty to speak up for yourself.
  14. Let go and let God.
  15. Focus on you and your family’s health.
  16. You cannot control what others say and do.
  17. There’s no shame in needing a coach or therapist.
  18. You don’t have to fit society’s idea of what a stepmom is.
  19. Don’t force things.
  20. Put your marriage first.
  21. Be yourself. Be genuine, love the kids, be a good role model, be there for them, and try to give them what they need.
  22. It takes time to build bonds and a family identity.
  23. Start your own traditions together and give everyone time to bond and adjust and things will eventually fall into place.
  24. Don’t try to be the mother. Be the mothership.
  25. You’re married to be a wife, not to be a mother. Be a wife and support your husband.
  26. Control what you can control.
  27. Choose your battles.
  28. Take care of yourself.
  29. Disengage.
  30. You can’t fix what you didn’t break.
  31. Find your tribe. Seek other women in your shoes.
  32. Let the kids have time with their dad.
  33. Claim your space in the home. You need a safe space.
  34. Run!
  35. Set expectations and then lower them-lol.
  36. Set boundaries. Don’t take s#@t!
  37. Don’t feel guilty for taking care of yourself. You have to be good in order to be good for your family.
  38. Stay far away from the drama. Focus on yourself and your marriage.
  39. This too shall pass.
  40. Trying to be friends with bio-mom can backfire.
  41. You are not responsible for what the other parent decides to do.
  42. Let your partner deal with their ex.
  43. Hang on- it does get better.
  44. Don’t argue with a narcissist.
  45. You better start drinking…you’re going to need it.
  46. Remain consistent and let time strengthen relationships.
  47. Be honest with yourself, your spouse, and your family.
  48. Your influence begins and ends at your front door.
  49. Your stepkids are your spiritual children and you were planted in their lives for a reason.
  50. Honor and support your husband and his decisions but don’t lose your voice.

Thank you to all the ladies who shared their advice. I know this will help support other stepmoms.


Nicole DiLorenzo Bio PhotoNicole DiLorenzo is an educator, mentor, wife, and stepmom of two girls. Her passion for teaching has spilt into the stepfamily dynamic, wanting to help others navigate their role. She runs a blog which helps her therapeutically deal with the many blessings and challenges within the stepfamily dynamic. She enjoys yoga, dog walks, riding motorcycles, vacations, and living a balanced life. Visit for more information.