Visualize Your Future Self


Stepmom in Thought

When you let go of who you think you are supposed to be, you can become who you want to be. –Shannon Kaiser

As stepmoms, it can be easy for us to get embroiled in what is currently happening in our stepfamily, whether it is a custody battle or disciplinary issues with our stepchildren. We forget to think about what we want for the future. The custody battle will end, and your stepchildren will grow up, but what kinds of dreams do you and your partner have for the future after your stepchildren have left home? Do you dream about retiring in Mexico, where you and your spouse will live in a seaside cottage? Or do you picture yourself as an active grandma, taking care of grandchildren and hosting Sunday dinners for the family every week? 

One powerful way to figure out where you’re going and which steps you need to take in the future is through visualization and then goal-setting based on that visualization. We’re going to start by adapting a technique called “Future Self” from the Coaches Training Institute.  

Find a comfortable spot to sit and have a notebook and pen nearby so you can take notes. Close your eyes and relax. Take a few deep breaths and focus on your breath. Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Then imagine that you are going to travel 20 years into the future to visit yourself.  

Once you arrive, picture yourself walking up to the house. What do you see? What kind of place do you live in? Notice the details of the house and the neighborhood.  

You knock on the door, and your future self opens the door. What does she look like? How does she act? As she greets you and invites you inside, notice what the inside of her house looks like. What kind of feeling do you have as you walk inside?   

As you look around the house, take in the details of her home. What kind of furniture does she have? What is sitting on her coffee table or on her mantle in the living room? What is she interested in? What kinds of things do you see in her house? 

Imagine she invites you to sit down in her favorite spot and have a chat. You ask her what has mattered to her most over the past 20 years. You listen intently as she shares. Ask her, “What do I need to do to get from where I am to where you are?” Listen carefully and ask questions as she responds.  

Ask her, “How has your role as a stepmom evolved?” Be open to listening to her answers, and let her answers surprise you.  

Ask her, “What advice would you give to me?” Listen carefully to what she has to say. Be open to her responses.  

At the end of your visit, thank her for her support and guidance. You are grateful for her wisdom, and you know that you can return at any time to visit her.  

Now open your eyes, and write in detail about what you experienced in your visualization. Make sure to write down feelings, images, and descriptions of your time with your future self. Try to capture what you saw and how you felt.  

This woman, your future self, will become your inner mentor and will help guide you in your everyday decisions. Your goal will be to work towards that visualization, and you will ask questions of your inner mentor, who is actually an older, wiser version of you. Use the vision of your life that you experienced to set goals and work towards becoming that woman or stepmom that you want to be. Step by step, start making decisions that allow you to grow into that vision of your future self.  

Small Steps Challenge: Visualize and Set Goals 

Now that you have completed your visualization, the next step is to set goals to help you become that woman you want to be. Write down at least three specific goals to work on.  

Let’s imagine that your future self is a self-assured, confident woman who invites you into her home. She lives in a seaside cottage, set high upon a hill overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Her house is light, airy, and welcoming, with bright accent colors such as turquoise and coral. You notice artifacts from her travels around the room. She has pictures of herself and her partner on the beach, as well as pictures of her stepkids and grandkids near a waterfall. She starts talking excitedly about her latest trip with her spouse to Macchu Pichu in Peru. She mentions that she is also looking forward to seeing her stepkids and grandkids this summer. They are all getting together at a resort in Zion National Park. They’re going to go hiking, fishing, and have s’mores around a bonfire in the evenings. So, in this case, your future self has a healthy marriage and she also has a good relationship with her stepkids. You get the impression that she sees her stepkids and grandkids on a regular basis, and they enjoy their time together. You notice that your future self likes to travel, both with her spouse and also with her stepkids and grandkids. If that’s the case, you should set some goals to travel as a couple, and also plan separate trips with your stepkids. 

You also notice that your future self seems happy in her marriage. When you think about your current relationship with your partner, you realize that in order to have a happier marriage, you need to have better communication with your spouse about his children. Then that becomes one of your goals that you write downOr maybe you realize that you’re not as loving as you would like to be. So you write down a goal of leaving a love note or giving a compliment every day.   

It’s important to write these goals down, as research has shown if you write them down, you’re 42 percent more likely to achieve them. After you’ve written them down, ask yourself these two questions:  

  • How will I achieve this? 
  • Which steps will I take on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis? 

 Take it a Step Further… 

Another great way to have a visual reminder of your goals is to create a vision board of the life you want to have in the future. You can also get your whole family involved by having everyone make a vision board of their goals for their future.  

Reflection 

 How did you feel about your vision of your life 20 years from now? What surprised you most about your future self?  

 What do you want to keep in mind for the future? 

♥ What did you gain from this experience?  

Exert taken from Elizabeth’s latest book, Stepmom Bootcamp available to purchase.

 

Elizabeth MosaidisElizabeth Mosaidis, MA, is the founder of The Stepmom Project, a platform designed to support and empower stepmoms. She is the author of Stepmom Bootcamp and The Stepmom Project. Elizabeth is a Stepfamily Foundation Certified Coach and has been a professional educator in several countries for over fifteen years. Her lifelong passion is to empower others through knowledge, self-exploration, and coaching methods. Elizabeth conducts workshops for stepmoms and coaches stepfamilies over the phone and in person. She lives in Phoenix, Arizona, with her husband, stepdaughter, a small brown dog, and a distinguished cat. To find out more information, visit www.TheStepmomProject.com 

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Elizabeth Mosaidis at The Stepmom Project presents the use of a visualization technique to help stepmoms become the woman that they want to be.