Oooooh it’s that time of year again where many stepmoms are looking inward to figure out their place in the home. For some, this day can be a day where they are pampered with gifts and with love. While other stepmoms feel rejected and doubt themselves in their role in the family.
For those stepmoms who are blessed with cards, flowers, and gifts given by your stepchildren, I give you some serious kudos! You have to be doing something right so keep on keepin on. J
For those stepmoms who feel like they are unappreciated and devastated, I will give you the same advice. Keep on keepin on! You have to stick with it and know that your efforts are not going unnoticed. Yes they might be now, but one day if you keep showing affection and dedication to your stepchildren, one day they will thank you. I know that it is hard to believe, but they will.
Relationships especially those in blended families take a long time to build. It requires love, patience, trust and dedication. Even when you have all of those amazing qualities it doesn’t mean that it will happen overnight. Additionally, you will never be able to take the place of the biological mother and rightfully so.
One of my sons came to me the other day after shopping for his stepmom’s mother’s day card and gift. He explained that while the gift was easy, the card made him feel awkward. All of the cards were like, “To my mom, you’ve always been the best mom, you are always there for me….” On a serious note, the card making business should really put out more stepmom cards like “Thanks for washing my clothes, and doing the dishes, and running me places…..” Words that have a little bit less emotion in them so that a child would feel more comfortable giving it to their stepparent.
My son asked me if he was right for feeling that way. Of course he was! He has me duh!! But seriously, he has a great stepmom, but one that could never take my place. I let him in on my feelings too that I feel awkward when it comes to Mother’s Day with my stepchildren. I know in the back of their little heads I am not their mom, but more of an extra set of hands that loves them so.
So here’s my advice, have a Stepmom Day on a different date. Just you and the kids could go for a walk at the park, go to the zoo, or even see a movie. You could even do a gardening project with them. Make it a day to just bond with your stepchildren.
Need a little assistance? Ask your husband to print out these coupons for ideas, and the kids can write some up for you. Ideas that make them feel comfortable in hopes that the day will be spent with ease!
Remember you don’t build a house by starting on the roof. Make your relationships with your stepchildren built on a strong foundation.
Carrie Ellis-Berg has been an elementary school teacher for ten years. Together as a blended family, she and her husband have four children. After realizing the need for children’s books on blending, she felt called to share fun and exciting stories that would help parents and children learn, grow, and adapt in their new family structure. She hopes that her stories will foster and strengthen relationships within the home.