Why I Miss the Stepmom


If someone told me eight years ago that I would be missing my children’s stepmom I would have told them they are freaken crazy. No way in the world could I ever miss that lady. The struggles, arguments, and disagreements were enough to make anyone pull their hair out. Walking on egg shells and side stepping on both of our parts was the most exhausting thing ever!  Now I miss her and here is why.

You see, my ex and I unfortunately do not see eye to eye when it pertains to raising our children, but thankfully that’s where the stepmom would come in. She would keep up with their grades, friends and curfews. She would reach out to me when she thought my boys were trying to pull one over on them, or if she thought they were doing something that was concerning. She was able to help my children’s dad understand my point of view on things when I wasn’t able to discuss things with him. She was put in the middle voluntarily or not, and she would try her best to help both sides all while keeping my kids’ best interests in the forefront.

Over the period of eight years I grew to respect the stepmom and commend her for helping shaping my boys and keeping them grounded. Were there times my boys didn’t like her…of course. Were there times I didn’t like her…for sure.  Were there times she didn’t like me and my children…absolutely. I always kept in mind though that she had their best interests in mind even if my boys didn’t think so. Her tough personality kept them in check, but her love and generosity kept them afloat.

Fast forward to present day and unfortunately the stepmom and my ex are divorcing.  She will no longer have those ties to my children, and she will no longer help ease the arguments that are currently happening within our family dynamic. She will no longer be there to do the “mom” things that all children need. Whether it’s hugs and “I love yous,” or reminders to stay on top of responsibilities, she will be missed.

Currently one of my boys still wishes to have her in his life and the other does not. I can’t even begin to fathom what it would be like not to have my own stepchildren to be a part of my life anymore. While I am sure her heart longs for the relationships that she has lost with my sons, my heart longs for her to instil many of the core values that she believes in. It tears me up as I am sure it does for her. I pray that one day time with heal and relationships will mend.

But for now stepmom, I want to thank you. Thank you for your years of devotion to my boys. Thank you for stepping up to the plate and doing the best that you could. Thank you for being a mom when they were in your home. Thank you for all that you have done. You may not hear it from my children, you may not hear it from the ex, but you will most definitely hear it from me.

 

Carrie Ellis-Berg Bio PhotoCarrie Ellis-Berg has been an elementary school teacher for ten years. Together as a blended family, she and her husband have four children.  After realizing the need for children’s books on blending, she felt called to share fun and exciting stories that would help parents and children learn, grow, and adapt in their new family structure. She hopes that her stories will foster and strengthen relationships within the home.

 

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Carrie Ellis-Berg reflects on her relationship with her children's stepmom and how she grew to appreciate the role she played within their family.