How are you showing up in your life? This question could cause some anxiety, I understand. It’s a big one, especially for a stepmom. Are you seeking guidance or approval from others to fit into the blended family? Trying to do it the “right” way, but finding that it is causing you direct conflict? Are you not being true to your gut feelings and inner compass to feel comfortable in your personal, creative approach to life?
As a stepmom, it is so important to keep your focus inward and avoid comparisons. There will be plenty for you to choose from and it will be easy to fall into a negative spiral. The children may make comparisons of what happens in the other household, your partner may unconsciously lead you to believe a comparison from a story from the past; you may even fill in blanks and create your own stories that have never existed. Simply put, just stop. It’s time to approach your family in a new way.
You’ve likely heard the phrase that your inner world reflects what is happening in your outer world. So, if you’re feeling good about yourself internally your life will reflect that. Take the burden off your shoulders of being the stepmom. Instead, think of yourself as the bonus mom. Does that give you relief even just reading those words? Bonus mom. Doesn’t feel so wicked, does it? It takes so much judgment and stress out of the term stepmother. As a bonus mom, you get to enhance the lives of the kids in a unique and nurturing way. What I’ve learned in my stepfamily is that the kids have a capable mother and father. I don’t need to take on that role of primary parent, instead, I can take on being a support, a guide, a mentor, and a coach; thus bonus mom.
It is so important to be in the flow of what feels right for you. If you need a break that may mean you need to go meditate or that may mean you need a vigorous run, a glass of wine and a call to your best friend, or simply a walk in nature. It’s all about balance and what your body is telling you what it needs at that moment. When you are having positive moments in life and feeling in the flow, you will create more positive thoughts and experiences. Embrace that whatever path or thought you choose it is simply the right one for you, at that moment.
I’d like to leave you with a quote by Anita Moorjani:
“It’s not important whether I’m having a bad day or a bad week. It’s more important how I’m feeling about myself while I’m facing this day or week. It’s about trusting the process even as I face a difficult time and not being afraid to feel anxiety, sadness, or fear, rather than suppressing everything until those emotions pass. It’s about allowing myself to be true to who I am. Because of this, the feelings will dissipate and occur less frequently.”
You’re a goddess, treat yourself kindly.
Chrysta is a Certified Stepfamily Coach, a stepmother of two and a mother of one infant. Her approach is holistic, supported by certifications as a health and Ayurvedic wellness coach and yoga instructor. She enjoys music, writing, hiking, healthy food, wine, and travel. She lives with her family in Los Angeles. Connect with Chrysta at instantblendedfamily.com.